Wednesday, February 13, 2008
Your Morning News 2.13.08
Posted by Josh in Barack Obama, Beagles, Big Brother, Election 2008, Gary Coleman, Hilarious Breaking News, hillary clinton, not torture
Everybody’s talking ’bout Obama. Senator Obama and Senator McCain swept yesterday’s primaries in Maryland, the District of Columbia, and Virginia. Senator McCain squeaked out a win in Virginia while Senator Obama won all three by large margins. If you want to sound like an political analyst, talk about the fact that Obama won the majority of votes from union members, women and white men–all groups had previously been solidly for Senator Clinton.
After the jump we have water boarding, beagles, and Gary Coleman…
Meanwhile, back at Capitol Hill, Congress was apparently so flummoxed by all the voting going on around them, (“What, I thought WE were the only people in the District of Columbia that got to vote for things.”) that they accidentally voted to give the Government broad authority to spy on its citizens and to give immunity to phone companies that collude with them. What? They did it on purpose?
I promise I am not turning this feature into a series of quotes from The Washington Post. Deal with it for at least one more day because I can’t even begin to comment on this story.
…top Bush administration officials have suddenly begun pressing a controversial argument that it was legal for the CIA to strap prisoners to a board and pour water over their face to make them believe they were being drowned.
On the lighter side, yesterday was the Westminster Kennel Club’s annual dog show. For the first time in club’s 100-year history, a beagle won the Westminster dog show. Experts are saying that the beagle’s inspirational message and ability to motivate youth voters is what propelled its historic victory.
Just in time for Valentine’s day, the Associated Press tells us that Gary Coleman was secretly married several weeks ago to a 22-year old actress. And here I can’t even get a date with a 22-year old actress. Or Gary Coleman.
Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice and Secretary of Defense Robert Gates wrote today’s “important” Op-Ed in The Washington Post. In it they outline what we need to do next in Iraq. I always try to give you a joke you can use or a pithy summation, but the article is so confusing and circuitous that I can’t explain it.
However, early morning wire reports say that Defense Secretary Robert Gates has slipped on ice and broken his shoulder. Which pagan gods did Secretary Gates anger with his Op-Ed? Where is Secretary Rice? Isn’t this MSNBC breaking news hilarious?
