Monday, March 3, 2008
Your Morning News 3.3.08
Posted by Jeff in dimitry medvedev, eskimo rednecks, gaza strip, hillary clinton, iditarod, Israel, Russia, snl, somalia, vladimir putin
Josh ain’t around (he’s in New York again, or dead, or something), so let’s hit you up with some news you can use:
The Hillary Clintonbot 9000 made an appearance on Saturday Night Live during an ‘editorial response’, responding to the question of “How’s the campaign going?” with “Oh, the campaign is going very well, very, very well. Why what have you heard?” Hearty laughter was enjoyed all around, until a desperate Hillary continued, “Seriously, what have you heard? My campaign hasn’t let me see a newspaper since September.”
The United States is dropping some serious knowledge, and missiles, in Somalia in an effort to take out an al-Qaida suspect. When reached for comment, President Bush reiterated his strong desire for a “bitchin” Black Hawk Down sequel.
Vladimir Putin’s hand-picked successor, Dimitry Medvedev, won Russia’s presidential election in a landslide over the weekend. As part of the ceremonial turnover, Medvedev will receive keys to the Kremlin gates, his photo on the cover of Time, and a free side salad coupon good at every Olive Garden in the former USSR.
Impending college graduates: if you’re stuck between working at the Gap for a little while, or becoming a member of a Palestinian rocket launching squad, lean towards the turtlenecks: Israeli forces spent the weekend performing ground raids and air strikes to knock out militant rocketeers.
Finally, the Iditarod has begun, which begs the question – are serious Iditarod fans like Nascar fans? Like, eskimo rednecks?