2.0somethings

Wikipedia tells us that Phillies pitcher Kyle Kendrick was born on a sunny August 23, 1984.  That is to say, not yesterday.

But that’s hard to tell from this video covering the best prank we’ve seen pulled in a while.  It’s a tale spanning international borders, falsified travel documents, and Brett Myers laughing his ass off.  Young Kendrick is informed that the franchise has decided its in their best interest to make some roster moves, and that he has been traded to the Giants… the Yomiuri Giants.  Video after the jump.

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It was already weird enough that the Atlanta Hawks and Miami Heat were going to have to replay the final 51.9 seconds of their December 19 game, following the scoring desk erroneously fouling Shaquille O’Neal out of the game and the Heat’s subsequent loss and protest to the league.

But as we wrote last week, Shaq himself has been traded from the Miami Heat to the Phoenix Suns. Word is the league won’t let the Heat’s new acquisitions play, but there’s also zero chance of the team getting the 325lb teddy bear back, raising the question: who plays in these 51.9 seconds?

Answer: Steel.

That’s right: part man, part machine, all hero. Shaq starred as the Superman-meets-Iron-Man character in the big screen adaptation back in 1997, and fans have been clamoring for him back ever since. Okay, maybe that’s not entirely true seeing as the movie made a whopping $1.6 million, but once this beefy armored center hits the court, it’s all over for the Hawks. Who’s going to mess with a dude holding a sledgehammer? Besides Ron Artest?

Okay, fine. Maybe Steel’s not really the solution.

New answer: Kazaam.

Donte Stallworth is a receiver on the Patriots. He is also a martian.

According to the receiver’s explanation, Nicco (pronounced knee-co) is the being who takes over Stallworth’s body during games.

“I don’t have an ego,” Stallworth explained. “I have an alter ego.”

Unfortunately for Patriots fans, Stallworth doesn’t let Nicco do interviews. He’s allowed to come out during games, but then, Stallworth says, Nicco is sent to Mars.

God, the Patriots are such cheaters. Alien transmogrification has been banned since the Neptunian Namath Act of 1977.

The photo above is of one of the biggest badasses alive, Oscar Pistorius. He, as a double amputee, was deemed too fast to compete in the Olympics. According to the International Association of Athletics Federation, Pistorious does’t actually run too fast, he just runs too efficiently.  He could run using Cheetah Prosthetics “at the same speed as the able-bodied sprinters with about 25% less energy expenditure” and “the mechanical advantage of the blade in relation to the healthy ankle joint of an able bodied athlete is higher than 30%.” Pistorius is appealing the decision, and it is still up in the air. I, for one, welcome our new “double transtibial amputee athlete” overlords.

via Engadget