Monday, July 21, 2008
8:00 - American Gladiators (NBC)
The semifinals are on, and there’s a new Gladiator debuting tonight. Let’s take guess as to his name. Spear! Hyper! Rhino! Pull-tab! Oh, wait, it’s on NBC’s site, I guess it’s ‘Beast‘ …and he’s seven feet tall! That’s a full 14 inches over dumbass Rocket, last season’s winner! Damn.
9:00 - Top Gear (BBC America)
Smart of BBC America to be ramping up their quality programming during the summer - between Top Gear and Spaced, they’re kicking the crap out of our domestic networks. Tonight on Top Gear: funny accents and steering wheels on the wrong side. Also: Hammond’s a homo! HAHAHAHAHA.
10:00 - Anthony Bourdain: No Reservations (Travel)
Tony heads to Saudi Arabia to apply his rude ‘tude to OPEC negotiations. Or, more likely, to eat broiled scorpion or something.
Late Night
Will Ferrell takes his shirt off on Dave, Kyra Sedgwick makes me delete TNT from my channel listing on Leno, Richard “Something about Subprime Mortgages” Bitner is on The Daily Show and Senator Jim Webb swears he doesn’t want the VP spot … 
… on Colbert.
Monday, June 23, 2008
Keeping it light, I’m at a nerd conference so I should really be paying attention to what’s going on.
8:00 - American Gladiators (NBC)
Husbands vs. Wives. Sigh. Is there no dumb reality convention Gladiators won’t touch? Next week: Wolf and Titan swap wives and Hellga votes herself off.
8:00 - Top Gear (BBC America)
I’m starting to become a total BBC America addict. Top Gear is the funniest magazine show on television (soon to be butchered by Adam Carolla), Ramsay’s Kitchen Nightmares is way more tolerable than Hell’s Kitchen, and by God that’s John Oliver’s sexy voice serenading me during station commercials. What a delight.
9:00 - I Love the New Millennium (VH1)
VH1 was faced with doing either I Love the Nifty 50’s or this, and I guess they made the correct decision. Of course, I predicted this several years ago…
Late Night
Will Smith freshens up Letterman, Jonah Hill is increasingly disturbing looking on Conan, David Hasselhoff eats a sandwich on Ferguson, James McAvoy is hoisted by his nipples on The Daily Show, Barbara Ehrenreich is somebody I don’t know on Colbert, and Leno’s on vacation.
Monday, June 16, 2008
Dammit, can’t you tell I’m trying to watch playoff golf? If you must watch TV later, then check out:
7:00 - Red Sox at Phillies (ESPN)
Red Sox! Thrillies! Young Cole Hamels! What more do you need?
8:00 - American Gladiators (NBC)
I seem to remember an ad for tonight’s Gladiators featuring a ridiculously cool new people-flying-around-in-midair event. Which is good, becuase the last new people-flying-around-in-midair event kinda sucked.
10:00 - Weeds & Secret Diary of a Call Girl (Showtime)
Season premiere of Weeds, series premiere of Call Girl, I guess. Alls I knows is that I do enjoy these posters I’ve seen plastered up all over the NYC subway.
Late Night
Come on, Tiger, come on, Tiger… Mike Myers on Letterman, Anne Hathaway on Leno, Ann Curry on Conan, Alfred Molina on Ferguson, some authors I’ve never heard of on Daily Show and Colbert. WOW HE DID IT TIGER RULES.
Monday, June 9, 2008
Yes, it’s summer. Yes, this is going to be painful to get through, but we’re going to do it together, dammit. So here, take my hand, and let’s channel surf our fears away…
8:00 - American Gladiators (NBC)
They take this “contestants must have sob stories” thing way, way, way too far sometimes. Tonight: a Columbine survivor. Really. He beat Klebold and Harris, but can he withstand the sheer lunacy of Wolf??
9:00 - Roman Polanski: Wanted and Desired (HBO)
I believe this made-for-TV documentary is essentially a step by step how-to guide for when you need to roofie an underage girl in your hot tub.
10:00 - Star Trek: The Next Generation “Q-Who?” (Sci-Fi)
Look, if we’re gonna make it through the summer, we’re going to have to watch some syndicated reruns. Try this on for size: the debut of the Borg in the Star Trek universe, featuring that fanciful lad Q. You’re going to have to trust me, I promise this is better than Oxygen’s Ocean’s 12 marathon. Cross my heart.
Late Night
Tom Brokaw and Gnarls Barkley on Dave, some British guy named Russell Brand on Leno, Robert Smigel on Conan, Betty White on Ferguson (nice), vice presidential hopeful Sen. Jim Webb on the Daily Show, and writer Philip Weiss on Colbert.
Monday, May 19, 2008
May sweeps are upon us , that means season finales and premieres as real TV ends and bizarro summer TV begins.
8:30 pm EST - How I Met Your Mother (CBS)
I will watch the show wrap up confident that it has been picked up for another season but with the gnawing doubt that it was saved by Britney Spears. It’s like the beating of a hideous heart!
9:00 pm EST - House (FOX)
This show pretty much jumped the shark as soon as it brought on Kumar. However, I am considering tuning in for this episode because of the following 6 words: “Limp Bizkit’s Fred Durst guest stars.” Man, whatever happened to that guy.
8:00 pm EST - American Gladiators (NBC)
I missed last week’s premiere, as did a lot of people. Apparently men in spandex hitting each other with foam pads doesn’t have the same appeal when there isn’t a writers strike going on. I will be tuning in tonight, as the show turns around and begins its inexorable march towards becoming not only the smash hit of the summer, but the highest-rated program ever (take that Super Bowl XLII).
Last Night
Stewart and Colbert are on vacation (not that anything political is happening). Letterman has Kevin Spacey and Sen. Jim Webb - he wants to remind everyone he does NOT want to be Vice President (Webb, that is, actually probably Spacey too). Leno has Simon Cowell and Conan has Kevin Nealon.
