Tuesday, April 8, 2008
8:00 – Forrest Gump (AMC)
I had a final exam in a college history class that asked me to plot out a sequel to Forrest Gump, taking him up to present day. It was actually a lot of fun, and involved all sorts of crazy stuff like Gump bumping into Monica Lewinsky in the White House bathroom and his son dying in 9/11. Anyway, it’s still the same old movie on AMC, but watch it and then write your own sequel in the time alotted using your #2 pencil in the alotted space. You may begin.
8:04 – Lucky Number Slevin (HBO)
So that’s where Josh Hartnett has been, other than really stupid dalliances into filmmaking by the New York Times.
10:00 – Boston Legal (ABC)
A girl turns down a guy’s marriage proposal on live TV. Hilarious. He then kills her. Question: is that even funnier? Answer: only if it’s on a Jumbotron.
Late Night
Dennis, or possibly Randy, Quaid is on Leno (as is P.O.D. – is it 1998?), some rando named Jarod Miller is on Conan, Anne Heche announces she asexual on Ferguson, and the other two members of my all-time favorite sexual fantasy, Cokie Roberts and Madeline Albright, are on Stewart and Colbert.
Tuesday, February 19, 2008
Okay, people, it’s not you, it’s me. Actually, it’s not even me, it’s the crappy nature of television today. There’s never anything on. American Gladiators just ended. I’m sick of pretending like I watch Lost just to make Lost jokes. So today marks the arrival of your leaner, meaner OMG TV of the future. More shows! Similar amounts of snarkiness! 15% less trans fats!
Full listings after the jump.
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Tuesday, February 12, 2008
8:00 – Westminster Kennel Club Dog Show (USA)
This is guaranteed to be twice as scripted as Best in Show, and probably about half as funny.
9:00 – Lethal Weapon (HBO2)
Ever notice how as the Lethal Weapon franchise progressed, Danny Glover kept putting more and more emphasis on the last word of “I’m getting too old for this shit“? And how Mel Gibson kept putting increasing emphasis on the last word of “The Jews are responsible for all the wars of the world“?
10:00 – Swoosh! Inside Nike (CNBC)
Probably the only time we’ll ever endorse something on CNBC (unless they bring back the ratings powerhouse that was McEnroe), but this documentary on Nike, its troubles, and its internal and external culture could end up being more infomercial than controversial, but it comes well endorsed.
10:00 – Boston Legal (ABC)
Alan represents a woman whose friendly local nuclear power plant is making her glow. Then she has sex with Alan and Denny. And the power plant. Oh, what delightful sexcapades!
Late Night
God, why did I forget to mention that Dave’s musical guest last night was OK Go with Bonerama. BONERAMA. I have no idea who that is, but Bonerama! Anyway, tonight he’s got the delectable Evangeline Lilly (but how can she be on the island and on Dave’s show?), Susan Sarandon’s on Ferguson, and the rest of the shows really need to start reporting their guests now that the strike’s over. Okay? Guys? Please?
Tuesday, January 22, 2008
8:00 – Smokin’ Aces (HBO)
The Wikipedia entry for Smokin’ Aces has a plot description that is 1,879 words long. I’m pretty sure the Iraq Study Group report was shorter than that. Let me see if I can do any better: “Several handsome people shoot at each other for 90 minutes.” Hey, ten words, not bad!
8:30 – Family Guy: “Da Boom” (TBS)
“There’s a benefit gala at the Boston Pops tonight, and…well, I’m trying to nail the flautist.”
10:00 – Boston Legal: “Roe v. Wade: The Musical” (ABC)
I’m not 100% sure what this episode is about, but judging by the title, it sounds like David E. Kelly will once again host a sober, intelligent discussion of a serious social issue. One for the whole family.
Late Night
Letterman has John “There are three people in this debate, not two” Edwards and the musical stylings of the actually quite excellent Josh Ritter. Conan’s still in 2006 Chicago for the week, with Sean Hayes, and Mr. Monk himself, Tony Shalhoub, swings by Ferguson.
