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Monday, July 13, 2009

Your Morning News 7/13/09

Posted by Josh in , , , , , ,

dick-cheney

Over the weekend it was revealed that the CIA has been running secret anti-terrorism programs that were kept from Congress at the order of Vice President Cheney. This morning, we find out that the program had to do with secretly capturing or killing Al Qaeda operatives. Is anyone in the world surprised that Dick Cheney was running a secret CIA assassination program? Like… anyone? I would be upset if Dick Cheney saw Munich and DIDN’T say, “Well gee, that looks like a good idea.”

Confirmation hearings for Judge Sonia Sotomayor begin today. The Washington Post unwittingly details how Supreme Court confirmation hearings are kabuki theater. No one doubts that she is going to be nominated, but every group involved has their own specific goals and statements to make. Of course, the Post article treats this all as deadly serious. For example, “Conservatives are hoping to use the Sotomayor hearings as a way to motivate their base if they can successfully portray her as an activist judge whose “empathy” for certain groups guides her rulings more than court precedent or the written law.” WHAT DOES THAT EVEN MEAN!?!?

Have you had enough of Sacha Baron Cohen’s junk? Apparently you are not alone. Bruno was the top movie in the country this weekend with a stellar opening day of $14.4 million. However, Saturday revenue for the film dropped 39%, one of the largest second-day drops ever. This is bad news for the film and indicates that audiences bought tickets  expecting another Borat and instead got another Ali G Indahouse.

Making the case for newspapers as a source of things you didn’t know you wanted to know, the New York Times uses the upcoming British Open to profile the business of golf sponsorships. Specifically, the article focuses on how golfers’ clothes are picked out months, even years, in advance.

Monday, March 17, 2008

Your Morning News 3.17.08

Posted by Jeff in , , , , , , , ,

We decided to take a nice, relaxing week off, and I’m sure absolutely nothing of interest happened in the news.

…

Oh good God.

In a way, we’re kind of glad we missed Spitzermania. Within an hour of the news breaking, we were already sick of the name “Client #9″. We didn’t want to have to put in a bid for Ashlee Alexandra Dupree’s naked photos. We knew we wouldn’t be able to resist David Paterson/Stevie Wonder jokes. So let’s simply move onward:

JP Morgan and Stearnsy Just as we, much like President Bush, had started deluding ourselves out of a recession, the scrappy investment bank Bear Stearns ran out of cash and had to sell itself to rival JPMorgan for $236 million, or 1/15th of their total cost. Guess Stearns hadn’t received its economic stimulus check yet. As a result, the global markets are already taking a spanking today, and it’s likely only to be worse here.

The traditional fifth anniversary gift is wood, and what’s more wooden than Dick Cheney? The Vice President made a surprise trip to Iraq to celebrate the five year anniversary of the U.S. invasion, meeting with General Petraeus and the U.S. ambassador. Cheney brought along his wife and daughter, making this the worst Spring Break trip ever. John McCain is also over in Mesopotamia, and ThinkProgress points out that he won’t be stopping by the infamous open-air market from his visit last year, due to it being in control of a radical cleric’s army.

Three people are still missing after a 19 story tall construction crane collapsed in Manhattan Saturday, killing four and injuring many more. A clearly distraught Cloverfield monster held an impromptu press conference, promising, “Seriously guys, this one wasn’t me.”

Finally today, Paul McCartney was ordered to pay $48 million to ex-wife Heather Mills. We here at 2.0somethings look forward to McCartney’s impending “Golddigger” duet with Kanye West.