Thursday, November 27, 2008
Time for the most special television day of the year: Thanksgiving! Prepare for hundreds of crappily computer animated turkeys waddling across the screen at all times – just like this one! Look at him go, down the field! Rah rah rah!
It’s not that the TV is particularly good or anything today, but it certainly is plentiful and it provides the perfect excuse to stay the hell away from the kitchen, because face it, you’re not qualified for anything besides opening the canned cranberry sauce. After the jump, your full guide to the day’s boob tube festivities.
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Monday, November 3, 2008
8:30 EST – Monday Night Football: Steelers at Redskins (ESPN)
Jeff’s fantasy implication: Santana Moss. Pleeeeease catch four touchdowns tonight. Pleeeeeeeeease.
9:00 – Saturday Night Live Presidential Bash 2008 (NBC)
I can live with the idea of there being SNL content on nights that are not Saturdays, but it’s just plain awkward when they try to do the “Live from New York, it’s Saturday Night” opening on any night but Saturday. Well, NBC.com promises that this will be a “2 HOUR BLOW OUT” of some sort of another. Hey, one more Palin imitation for the road, Tina Fey?
9:00 – Die Another Day (Spike)
Remember back when James Bond still had crazy gadgets and gizmos? You know, instead of blond hair and feelings? Well, if you don’t, Die Another Day will gladly remind you. Next question: they were really, really close to spinning off Halle Berry’s character into her own movie – would this have been a good thing because of 90 minutes of Halle Berry in a bikini on screen, or a bad thing because it would’ve been just as bad as Catwoman? Discuss.
Late Night
Paris Hilton is a fine, upstanding young woman on Letterman, Leno is apparently featuring something involving SeaWorld (……yeah), 2.0somethings mancrush Brian Williams is on Conan, Doris Kearns Goodwin plagiarizes her witty retorts to Jon Stewart on the Daily Show, and the Atlantic’s Andrew Sullivan brags about how many bajillions of readers his stupid blog gets on Colbert.
Monday, October 27, 2008
The whole summer sabbatical was totally engineered by me, since I didn’t want to deal with anymore crappy summer reruns and – Titan, forgive me – even American Gladiators was starting to bore me. But we’re a month into the fall season – or, if you’re watching Fox, days away from the beginning of it. So on with the show!
8:30 – Monday Night Football: Colts at Titans (ESPN)
One of these teams is 6-0, one is 3-3. And Peyton, buddy, you ain’t undefeated. Bizarre. (Jeff’s weekly fantasy implication: Colts defense.)
8:35 – The Life and Times of Tim (HBO)
In the same vein as Seinfeld and Always Sunny, The Life and Times of Tim is an absurdly irreverent cartoon that makes you hate yourself for laughing at something so freaking dumb. And if that’s not what television is for, then I don’t know what I’m doing with my life.
9:00 – Anthony Bourdain: No Reservations (Travel)
Tony’s in the Southwest, and Ted Nugent is too. Nuff said.
10:02 – Boston Legal (ABC)
Spader and Shatner head out to a Dude Ranch, and Betty White (pictured) is in the hizzouse. Yeah, that’s Betty freakin’ White. Damn.
Late Night
Bill O’Reilly brings his sparring gloves to Letterman, Chris Rock allows Leno one use of the racial epithet of his choice, Charles Barkely bets Conan $125,000 that he doesn’t have a gambling problem, Campbell Brown is delectable on The Daily Show, and… Yo-Yo Ma on Colbert.
