Tuesday, February 12, 2008
Sick as a dog
Posted by Chris in chris sartinsky, columns, illness, mcmuffin, neo-nazis on the subway, urban cold
I am writing this with my puffy eyes closed, breathing through my chapped lips because my nose is clogged with more debris than a Big Dig tunnel, my ears ringing like the cast of Charlie’s Angels are being interviewed deep inside my ear canal (an old reference, I know, but do you remember these three chattering airheads on the talk shows? The most annoying television I’ve ever seen. Sorry, I’ve been waiting years to get that off my chest) and my head throbbing like — I don’t have the energy to think of a clever way to finish that sentence. In short, I do not feel well. It is something of a milestone: my first semi-debilitating illness in New York (if you want to send me a congratulatory cake to commemorate the achievement, send the editors an e-mail and they’ll give you my address).
There are major differences between the suburban cold and the urban cold. A suburban cold is treated with plenty of fluids and bedrest; the urban cold is treated by staring at your gaunt, pale face in the mirror, popping a few Advil and telling yourself to suck it up. The suburban cold is an opportunity to get under the covers and add or shed layers of clothing until you are perfectly incubated in your own little womb-like cocoon or cocoon-like womb (take your pick); the urban cold is a losing battle between the heat you can’t control and the bitter wind that ices you all over no matter how little you open the window. Basically, the suburban cold is kind of nice, when you think about it, while the urban cold blows big time.