Thursday, December 13, 2007
Today’s most important story that no one really understands: The Federal Reserve and a bunch of European banks are going to pump $40 billion dollars into the banking system. This is to prevent something bad, but lots of smart people say it won’t work. If anyone asks you about it, just say it is really in response to the US housing market (it is down) and say that you moved all your assets in baseball cards and the yuan.
Today’s stories that could be plucked from any time 2000-Present: Democrats can’t get their shit together, and blame each other. Also President Bush hates poor kids. If you are a Republican, blame the Democrats for not being able to get anything done and call SCHIP a step towards socialized medicine. If you are a Democrat, do the same.
Today’s story involving New Hampshire (These only come around every 4 years): The are very much starting to love them some Barack Obama. Chumps will compare Obama to Howard Dean, you can sound smarter by comparing him to Bill Bradley.
Today’s story that is likely to dominate the news for weeks even though we are at war, in a Presidential election, and facing a recession: A probe by former Senator George S. Mitchell into drug use in Major League Baseball is going to be released today. It is expected to criticize everyone who has ever been involved in the sport and, more to the point “At least 60 current and former players, including past winners of the league’s Cy Young and Most Valuable Player awards, are expected to be implicated in the 300-page document.” Talk about the bad effect drugs have had on the game while furiously trying to find and destroy your old Mark McGuire jersey.
Wednesday, December 12, 2007
Most of the papers lead with a bombing near the United Nations office in Algeria. Reports so far place the death toll between 30-60. Credit has been claimed by an Al Queda affiliate in North Africa. This could be the largest attack since the Algerian War. Other terrorist attacks in Lebanon and Iraq seem to reinforce the 11th as a day with significance for the terrorist community.
A story that has been brewing for a few days is the results of a Supreme Court decision reducing the mandatory minimum sentence on crack-cocaine. Now, up to 2500 inmates are eligible for immediate release and almost 20,000 for a sentence reduction. If you think it isn’t fair, remember that under the previous law dealing 5 grams of crack would get you the same sentence as dealing 500 grams of cocaine.
News from Russia is that President, dreamboat, and fishing enthusiast Vladimir Putin has been offered the position of Prime Minister. Putin is currently President, but his term expires in 6 months. Russia’s government is designed to give the President nearly unchecked power, and the Prime Minister position has largely been decorative. Given that an ally of Putin was elected as the new President, this could be a way to have Putin remain the de facto leader of Russia indefinitely. In other news, Russia is going to pull out one of the most important arms control treaties dating back to the Cold War (First Mad Men, now a Dictatorial Russia rearming, 50′s style really is coming back!).
Also the CIA is above the law and can do whatever they want.
Lest you think all is terrible in the world, I wanted to include a few things to brighten your day. First, for those doing a lot of traveling this holiday season I have good news and bad news. The good news is there is real, often very tasty food now being offered on airlines. The bad news is the price tag. A hilarious story about the Entertainment Software Association (the lobbying group for video game producers) shows that people in Washington are not much better than your average high school cheerleader. “The ESA was soooo going to bring H&K to the prom, but then, they ended up bringing someone else so H&K totally started telling everyone that, like, ESA was totally gross and that all the girls in school thought so.”
