Monday, March 3, 2008
Josh ain’t around (he’s in New York again, or dead, or something), so let’s hit you up with some news you can use:
The Hillary Clintonbot 9000 made an appearance on Saturday Night Live during an ‘editorial response’, responding to the question of “How’s the campaign going?” with “Oh, the campaign is going very well, very, very well. Why what have you heard?” Hearty laughter was enjoyed all around, until a desperate Hillary continued, “Seriously, what have you heard? My campaign hasn’t let me see a newspaper since September.”
The United States is dropping some serious knowledge, and missiles, in Somalia in an effort to take out an al-Qaida suspect. When reached for comment, President Bush reiterated his strong desire for a “bitchin” Black Hawk Down sequel.
Vladimir Putin’s hand-picked successor, Dimitry Medvedev, won Russia’s presidential election in a landslide over the weekend. As part of the ceremonial turnover, Medvedev will receive keys to the Kremlin gates, his photo on the cover of Time, and a free side salad coupon good at every Olive Garden in the former USSR.
Impending college graduates: if you’re stuck between working at the Gap for a little while, or becoming a member of a Palestinian rocket launching squad, lean towards the turtlenecks: Israeli forces spent the weekend performing ground raids and air strikes to knock out militant rocketeers.
Finally, the Iditarod has begun, which begs the question – are serious Iditarod fans like Nascar fans? Like, eskimo rednecks?
Wednesday, December 12, 2007
Most of the papers lead with a bombing near the United Nations office in Algeria. Reports so far place the death toll between 30-60. Credit has been claimed by an Al Queda affiliate in North Africa. This could be the largest attack since the Algerian War. Other terrorist attacks in Lebanon and Iraq seem to reinforce the 11th as a day with significance for the terrorist community.
A story that has been brewing for a few days is the results of a Supreme Court decision reducing the mandatory minimum sentence on crack-cocaine. Now, up to 2500 inmates are eligible for immediate release and almost 20,000 for a sentence reduction. If you think it isn’t fair, remember that under the previous law dealing 5 grams of crack would get you the same sentence as dealing 500 grams of cocaine.
News from Russia is that President, dreamboat, and fishing enthusiast Vladimir Putin has been offered the position of Prime Minister. Putin is currently President, but his term expires in 6 months. Russia’s government is designed to give the President nearly unchecked power, and the Prime Minister position has largely been decorative. Given that an ally of Putin was elected as the new President, this could be a way to have Putin remain the de facto leader of Russia indefinitely. In other news, Russia is going to pull out one of the most important arms control treaties dating back to the Cold War (First Mad Men, now a Dictatorial Russia rearming, 50′s style really is coming back!).
Also the CIA is above the law and can do whatever they want.
Lest you think all is terrible in the world, I wanted to include a few things to brighten your day. First, for those doing a lot of traveling this holiday season I have good news and bad news. The good news is there is real, often very tasty food now being offered on airlines. The bad news is the price tag. A hilarious story about the Entertainment Software Association (the lobbying group for video game producers) shows that people in Washington are not much better than your average high school cheerleader. “The ESA was soooo going to bring H&K to the prom, but then, they ended up bringing someone else so H&K totally started telling everyone that, like, ESA was totally gross and that all the girls in school thought so.”
